SENIORITIS!!!

It has been FOREVER!!! I was starting to go crazy from blog separation syndrome (okay, I know. Bad joke)!
   So a whole lot has happened since I posted "Tesser"ing feet. I am now a  senior of Westville high school, I am applying to NSU and, unfortunately, due to Internet issues, I didn't get to write you about my ACT experience back in October. It's just as well, wasn't that interesting anyway.
All of this college prep stuff is going to kill me. I have applied and taken the ACT once (22 composite score), I have applied to two (will be three when the NSU admissions office returns my E-mail) schools (neither of them the one I actually decided I WANT to attend), and have had three very uncomfortable and stressful conversations with my father about priorities and money and jobs and cars (well one car specifically).  There are about three major highlights of my Senior year. The first one being my Secret Pal(s). At my school they started this program a while back that allows the staff at the school essentially sponsor a senior throughout the year. They can buy you gifts, put money toward your activities and things (like Senior picture day, buying your T-shirt, or your Senior trip) my Secret Pal(s) has done all of those things (except the shirt. I bought my shirt). They gave me twelve days of Christmas last month (not "The" Twelve Days of Christmas, but they got me things I would actually like) on top of the twelve days of Christmas got me accessories for my senior trip and then paid off the last of what I owed (guess who is spending her spring break on a beach in Florida? This chick!)! They have basically been the fuel to my happiness and provided most of the candy that I have eaten this year. They are amazing. If I believed in the whole being reborn thing, I am pretty sure that my Secret Pal(s) would be reborn as a rich super star with super powers. They are that awesome...!!! The second highlight would be the fact that I am in only three easy classes and then my second year of vo-tech in the afternoons. One of my easy classes is Drama Studies. We watch movies and right now we are watching Spirited Away (I have seen it 5 times)... so I fell asleep in class. Its basically napping one-oh-one. I still have school work, but it is not nearly as stressful as every other year of my high school experience. The third thing, I have already mentioned it, but I'm gonna say it again. I AM SPENDING SPRING BREAK ON A BEACH!!! I have never been outside of the bible belt, so it goes without saying that the closest I have come to a beach is the lake and, I am only going to say this once, THE LAKE. IS NOT. A BEACH. I want to learn to body board, so I am hoping that I have time. I'll have to take money to rent one though.
Krista (the best friend) went last year, but she is the definition of a girl. This means that she swam in the shallow part of the ocean and sun bathed the whole time that they were on the beach. She also refused to ride roller coasters in Orlando.... we really are opposites. Maybe that is why we are friends. I give her a little adventure, she teaches me how to use makeup and, you know, weird stuff that I have never had a use for before... like eyelash curlers and bath salts. The eyelash curlers are scary and I don't feel like hurting myself (it looks like it would be very easy to do damage with), but I am getting used to the bath salts (they are actually nice). Anyway, that is waay off topic. The point is, that I am going to get all the way into the water and ride roller coasters until I puke.
Aside from the trip to Florida I am less than enthusiastic about the prospect of over 100 more days of high school. That is where our title enters in. Senioritis. I have it... BAD. It takes sooo much effort to get up at 6:00 every morning, walk to school in the cold, and sit through my classes (in most of which, I have to apply very little effort- aside from vo-tech).
Oh, and if you are wondering, Krista made OBU. She is leaving town Sunday to begin her second semester of Freshman year. She didn't do so hot in Spanish. That may be my fault. I distracted her a lot the year we decided to take Spanish together. We goofed off... everyday, all class period. It was fun. The best day, was when I decided that we should conduct an Anthropology study on my friend Stephanie. This project began and ended in data compilation. We got out a note book and tallied how many times she performed a certain action. And laughed when we recored her doing something dumb. And then we laughed again when she would do that dumb thing five and six more times during a class period. She caught us laughing in the corner and found out what we were doing. It just wasn't as fun after that because she stopped doing the things we put on the data sheet. What can I say, it's how nerds have fun. And probably the reason that I will struggle through Spanish my Freshman year of college.
Anyway, in conclusion, I want to get out of high school and into College. I love my Secret Pal(s) and can't wait for the beach.

"Tesser"ing Feet...

   I spent several minutes yesterday laying on my bed with my feet extended upward toward the ceiling...
       My goal was for my feet to shoot upward and touch the ceiling and, hopefully, to stick there (kind of like spider man). My theory was that if my legs and feet could move around the space and time between my legs and the ceiling my feet would be able to touch my ceiling in the space in between my fan and the wall. My feet would "Tesser" for lack of a better word (for explanation read "A Wrinkle in Time"). Needless to say it did not happen... no matter what sort of motivation I gave my feet, space, or time. And, unfortunately, I don't think that practice makes perfect in this case.
                                                          -KC-

Cap and Frown...

     It's the last day of school for me. I have cleaned out my desk, turned in all of my papers, now all I have to do for the next two hours is play around on my computer.
We watched a movie in class, Joyful Noise... but it's over. I really have reached my limit of productive things to do today so I have decided that I am going to write about graduating. I'm not graduating this year, but my best friend Krista is. She has taken the ACT several times, applied to schools and for scholarships, and even purchased the cap and gown. The ceremony is actually tomorrow.
We are pretty much useless at this point in the graduating process because all we can do is bawl... I will be alone for my senior year this August and she will (hopefully) be at College of the Ozarks or OBU. Both of these schools are several miles away. Like a couple hours drive in a car... long enough to sleep during the drive but not far enough away to fly... the frustrating torturous middle.
I made her a scrapbook and we are even having a party at her house. We are gonna watch movies and exchange gifts and eat and cry like little babies.... It's gonna be so much fun! Cannot wait... :(
I can't imagine when it is my turn. I can't see myself in college and out on my own. I say that I can't wait to get out when I'm around my buds... but I'm not so sure. I couldn't even keep my goldfish alive...
And I am getting really crappy advice... My aunt told me that when I move into my first apartment that I should keep like a baseball bat or something handy... this scares me. No... no advice I have received has calmed my nerves...
All I know is that this next school year is gonna really stink...
                                                                          -KC-

"...I'm not all there myself."

Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no...
Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I think I'll see him...
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.
[laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.

Much Madness is divinest Sense

By Emily Dickinson 1830–1886 Emily Dickinson

Much Madness is divinest Sense —

To a discerning Eye —

Much Sense — the starkest Madness —

’Tis the Majority

In this, as All, prevail —

Assent — and you are sane —

Demur — you’re straightway dangerous —

And handled with a Chain —

 

 My grandparents are very curious people... as I've told you, I live in a small town in Oklahoma called Westville. I have to say, and I might be biased, that I think for a small town we are doing a pretty good job of beating the stereotype... However, there are a few of us, most of them older, that have trouble adapting to the times. My grandparents are two of them. My papa still has my grandma wait on him, and he makes sure that I am aware that my duties as someones future wife will be to wait on them like Grandma does him.
Now don't get me wrong Grandma is just as bad. I was going to wear converse to my Jr. Prom... until she found out. I got a ten\fifteen minute lecture about how this was unlady like and inappropriate. They are very old fashioned.
So, this in mind, I suppose that it shouldn't have surprised me when, after I told them about a book I had just read (the main character had schizophrenia), they blanched.  You see I loved that book, and, believing that all of us are a little crazy\mad in our own way, related to the main character. This worried them. They didn't say exactly why, but I assume that it is because they don't want me associating with "different" people. They really are the product of their generation.
I am not sure what their definition of madness is... I think that it is someone who is different than they are. Grandma saw a lady one day on T.V who was bald, by choice, and went on about it off and on for like thirty minutes. She just couldn't understand why a woman would shave off all of her hair willingly. I tried to explain that some people do that, but she just wouldn't listen to me.
Now, I love my grandparents. I don't agree with them most of the time, but I love them. However I have to disagree with them on this. I don't think that crazy people are so rare.
You see, I think that we all are quirky, my grandparents included.
In Much Madness is Divinest Sense Dickinson is basically saying that the definition of crazy depends on those who buck the system... those who are not in perfect step with the majority are the crazy people. And in one of my favorite books, Alice in Wonderland, The Cheshire Cat has an interesting opinion. That everyone you talk to is crazy. Some more than others, yes, but everyone, all the same. And by the end of Alice's journey, you can find a little bit of madness in her as well.
I have found that the weirdo's are usually the wise ones.
There is a quote that I love by Mark Twain that says this,

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

This quote relates to the poem by Dickinson. Maybe the best side to be on is the one that everybody turns their nose at. Now, some could use this as an accuse to do crap-head stupid stuff, but you know what I mean when I say that following the crowd usually isn't a good idea.
What about Robert Frosts, The Road Not Taken?

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.      

 Am I a cheesy kid or what? Its true, I am, but here's the thing. This is still true. I don't know how many times I let someone else get bashed because I couldn't break from the mold. I think that most of us do this. But I suppose that this makes sense, most of us would be the majority...
                                                                     -KC-

Chill Pills and Burnouts

      I have always had a strange way of looking at life. My thoughts are almost never lined up with the thoughts of others. If you ever need an out-of-the-box, no-question-about-it-its-unique opinion on an issue, ask me. I CAN deliver... Most usually I over think things and end up with a crazy over the line answer to my problems... this only stresses me and the people around me out. The hardest thing for me to do is to just let myself chill out and not worry about things. I see other people do this at school and places, true most of them have like D's and F's in classes, but they don't even worry about that! Some people can be successful and never try hard... I am not one of these people. For an almost Seventeen year old girl, you would think that I would be less of a spazz than I am. Sometimes I really think that I am an old lady trapped in a teens body.  However, I have been training myself to be a little bit calmer. Aside from the important stuff where you have to be at least a little stressed or your not doing it right, like school, I am forcing myself to take a chill pill. Take last weekend: Our town was having a burnout. It was loyalty day. For those of you who don't know what loyalty day or a burnout are let me explain. Loyalty Day is where all the country folk in the small town of Westville get together, set up booths and stands and sell various items, for instance, our church set up a grill and a couple of ice chests and sold pop, burgers, and hot dogs ( raising money for camp). Then all the guys and a select few girls get their trucks and vintage cars with nice rims and destroy their tires and drive like maniacs to impress their potential mates and\or to make other dudes jealous (this is the burn out part).
I was set up with my church, making change and keeping track of the money. It was awesome, I got to sit there with a big bag of money, pretend I was rich, and I didn't have to leave my lawn chair. I had a Pepsi and a hot dog... I was a happy girl. Then I realize I hadn't seen my little brother. I shouldn't say little, he's fourteen and going on six feet. Not quite there yet. Anyway, earlier that day he had stalked off with his band friends near the front door of the school to get his saxophone and walk to the community center for the parade portion of Loyalty Day (he was marching). I assumed that he would find our booth after marching and help us (he had to raise money for camp as well). He did not do this. As if this wasn't enough, I realized , with a start, that his cell phone was at home charging next to the T.V... He didn't have my dads new phone number memorized. At this point I was on the verge of hyperventilating.
Several explanations as to where he could be floated into my mind:

1. He has been kidnapped, and like the main character in my new favorite T.V show Awake, I will have to use clues from my dreams to find his location. I will also have to purchase a gun and learn how to shoot because the perpetrator must be delt with.
2. He is out behind the school kissing some girl... (I will also need a gun for this one).
3. He has found a way to contact my dad and is now safe at home in his bed, playing bloody video games and fighting dragons... (this is the least likely)...

Just before I had decided to go to walmart and get a gun, then google how to use it, I saw his best friend walking down the street in the crowd of people, his sister at his side. They were eating funnel cake and laughing about something. Then it hit me. Why isn't Lawrence (my brother) with him? If Lawrence were going to hang out with someone at the parade\burnout it would be this kid. So, of course, I yell at Jesse (the friend) to come over to my booth. My best friend Krista looks at me like I am crazy... this is probably true. I have often considered that my quirkiness is more than that... topic for another day.
I should tell you that I had never met this Jesse kid before this moment. I just knew who he was because Lawrence pointed him out at school. As his head turns to see whose yelling at him the kid spots me and looks at me like I have grown a third head and reluctantly, with a tight grip on his sisters arm, walks slowly toward the crazy lady in the lawn chair.
Once he is a safe ten yards away from my chair, far enough away that he can run if I attack but close enough that he can hear me talk at a normal human volume, he says, "Yeah?"
I respond with a breathless, stress filled, "Wheres Lawrence?"
"I don't know, I guess he went home."
This was not good enough for me. "You guess? Did you see him go home?"
"The last time I saw him he was getting in the car." My heart stopped. I was trying to remember walmarts number for my gun purchase.
"What car?"
At this point, Jesse sighs, so much for my first impression. "Your car. He slid the front seat by your dad, so I'm gonna guess it was your car." His words dripped with sarcasm. I didn't like this kid... he was rude. However despite my irritation with Mr. Snot bag relief flooded through me. I thanked Jesse and he almost ran with his sister in tow... So see? I'm getting better... I never would have been that calm in that situation before I decided to chill....
                                                                           -KC-

Where Does Wisdom Come From?

     "Some things don't matter much. Like the color of a house. How big is that in the overall scheme of life? But lifting a person's heart--now, that matters. The whole problem with people is...they know what matters, but they don't choose it...The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters.”
― The Secret Life of Bee's by Sue Monk Kidd

                               I absolutely love this book. I have just finished it for the millionth time. Really it is a book everyone should read. Every girl anyway. There are some really amazing life lessons in it, its like even the simplest things seem profound when coming from the mouth of August Boatright. As an avid reader, you sometimes come across a character who is so real and to whom you can look up too. I have come across a few of these that I love. August Boatright in The Secret Life of Bee's, Alice Henderson in Christy (Also a book everyone needs to read), Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird, and lastly, this is probably the one you will find most silly before I explain, Albus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series. These four characters are my all time favorite characters in my all time favorite books. These books are all very different with very different messages, but there is a central and key theme that resonated with me in each and every one of these books. Love. Now, if you have read one or two, if not all, of these, then you may understand but I think that I need to explain myself somewhat. These characters all have something in common. They have a person or group of people who almost, if not outright, idolize them. They are great and wise and they are savvy to the secrets of the world. You could not imagine one of them doing something ridiculous and stupid. Their hearts are conceivably pure and they are just plain impressive to all us screw ups.
Bu that isn't why I like them.
The reason that I love these characters is not because they are perfect, on the contrary, I like them because they aren't. August Boatright lived in a messed up, broken situation. As the oldest of three sisters she was placed into the position of leader. She delt with a sister who is emotionally broken, a sister who is bitter, and is confronted with an even greater struggle when Lilly Owens comes to town (I wont say any more for those of you who haven't read it), as you can see, she is probably stressed. However, she takes it in stride. She responds calmly and speaks truth to those in need of it. Certainly a wise woman. As the quote says, no matter what emotional state it puts her in, August Boatright chooses what matters. From the outside she looks perfect, on the inside shes not. Nothing is.
And for Alice Henderson... She is a highly wise and thoughtful. She is a Quaker who hands wisdom and truth out like candy. Like it is a wonderful life changing secret. Which it is... To Christy Huddleston, she is perfect and knows about life. The perfect Christian. However, when Alice was younger, a teen, she was raped by a man who was supposedly wise and revered for his theological knowledge. She had his baby and spoiled that baby to the point of her running away from the life Alice lived. She wasn't perfect at all. But she was wise... it didn't diminish her knowledge.
Atticus Finch needs no explanation and if you haven't read it you need to get on the ball. However just in case: He is a good father and he is really a good man all around. But he lost his wife and is no stranger to pain and loss and questioning life.
Lastly Albus Dumbledore. If you haven't read the book you have seen the movies (which aren't as good and don't give you as much info) and you know the feeling Dumbledore gives off. He is old and wise and... well... basically, he knows whats up. But he wasn't always like that. He could be responsible for the death of his sister, he was very full of himself as a younger man, and he used to be power hungry (if you didn't know any of this read the books :) hehe). Yet he knows quite a bit and seems like the perfect man. Caring and loving.  
So how do these people who had messed up lives and broken families end up being known for their wisdom and ability to love? How did they turn out so right when you, if your like me, see yourself screwing up and lashing out at every turn? And how can we end up like them in the end?
You see, I look up to these characters. I would be happy if I could age like Alice and find myself like her in the end. If I could be a parent someday like Atticus, or teach about life like Dumbledore, or love like August Boatright I would be beyond content. But how do you gain wisdom? How do you become like that even in the midst of a messed up life like Alice and August, buried in deep pain like Atticus, or covered in a thick and suffocating guilt like Dumbledore? I myself have experienced a buffet of all of these things and more. I have been able to sample the whole selection and find that the last thing I feel is wise.
Is there a secret that we're not being told? Are there magic words you have to whisper? I don't think that there is... Personally I think that pain breeds wisdom and making mistakes give you answers. I think that we all, at some point, face the truth or our lives and have to accept what's there. We can take our mistakes and move forward, always changing, or we can let ourselves be pulled into doubt and self loathing. We can accept life and the crap it throws at us, or we can just give up.
The message here, I believe, is not, "You need to be perfect to be wise, and you can never mess up.", but "There is no perfect on earth. Wisdom is the opposite of perfect. If someone is wise, you can bet that they know pain. And, unfortunately, pain is a part of life."
So, earlier I said that the word love was the message that resonated with me. It may seem simple minded and naive of me but I think that love is required for everyone and the world doesn't work without it. All of these characters are wise, but, and I think that these two characteristics go hand in hand, they love people. Alice volunteers her time and dives right into the messy, sad parts of the world so she can help. She exposes herself to the pain of others and feels it with them.
Dumbledore is like this as well. He sacrifices of himself for others and he believes in the good of people, a form of love. Atticus loves and August certainly loves beyond reason.
Maybe in order to become wise we have to love and sacrifice. It seems that we must become selfless. A difficult task indeed... But ,really, would it not be worth it?
                                               -KC-

The Beef Jerky Conundrum

            Beef Jerky has to be the most disgusting looking food ever. I look at the gross looking little pieces of dried out beef and I think, what is in this? It can't all be beef... It can't. But then I taste it and stop caring because its amazing.  I say this because a friend of mine gave me the last few pieces out of her bag and as I was sitting there, with my Pepsi and bag of jerky, a question began to gnaw at my mind. What was that little white packet in the bottom of the bag? It clearly says do not eat... I got that much, I'm not retarded, but I searched all over that little packet and could not find it's purpose anywhere on its surface. So, of course, and out of boredom more than anything else, I went on a cyber-adventure! I automatically assumed that it was too keep the product fresh, but there had to be more to it than that. It was toxic, so I couldn't ingest it... what was it made of? My second thought after "What was it?" was, is it safe to eat beef jerky? Could it give me cancer or poison my bloodstream? If it is toxic then why is it in the food? This was certainly a conundrum worth looking into. So, like any true member of the 21st century, I turned to Google. I entered a few keywords into the search engine and pressed "Search". I was rewarded with 5 sites trying to sell me beef jerky, 3 sites, including a blog, telling me how to make beef jerky, and finally I found a link titled, "Silica Gel Packets: How Dangerous are these Inserts?".
"Silica Gel packets, eh?" hmmmmm...... So I I clicked on the link. I discovered that the gel packets are found in everything, including dry foods, shoe boxes, cell phones, camera cases, cat litter, medicine bottles, etc. I'm seriously thinking of taking beef jerky out  of my diet at this point of my cyber-adventure.I felt this way until the article stated that the white stuff was okay. If, for some reason, you decided to eat it anyway (the chick who sued McDonald's and the guy that is stupid enough to eat it anyway could get together) it would only cause you to be extremely thirsty and would most likely not cause you any severe medical harm. However, my theory is a little bit more out there. Did any of you watch that episode of Dr. Who back in the Tennant days called "The Waters of Mars"? For those of you who haven't let me clarify. In this episode, Tennant goes to mars in the future. The people on the planet are being infected by a water creature that inhabits its victims and makes them crazy for water. It was gross in a cool way! They shoot water at the uninfected, thus infecting them. They become dried out and... hmmm... I'm having trouble explaining it. Here's a picture. I realized that these symptoms are just like those of the monsters on this show.The people on Mars who got infected were explorers. They were astronauts in space. Of course they were eating

Gross, Huh?

dried foods. Maybe it wasn't an alien that caused these people to turn into monsters... Maybe it was the Gel packets in their food... (Insert gasp here).
Really though... It makes perfect sense. These monsters were incredibly thirsty. The article I found clearly states that the main symptom of ingesting the gel is extreme thirst, also the gel is used to keep the product dry and fresh. Do you see this guys face? Defiantly dried out...
I think that I am onto something here! Can you imagine? I bet the creators of Jack Links feels stupid now...
Its almost enough to make me stop eating beef jerky. But lets face it. I'm a consumer. Here's an example, I absolutely hated the first Halo game. I thought that it was boring and, I'm sorry for all you fans, dumb. But I continued to buy them, assuming that the next one would be better. I did this for years and when ODST and Reach came out I bought those too. Why, you may ask? In a word, tradition. I had all the others. Why not buy these too (You should know that I ended up loving Reach)? So, when I am told that Coke will dissolve my stomach and give my ulcers, I continue to drink it, when I am told that the movie version of Hunger Games sucks I buy the six dollar ticket and watch it anyway, and when I realize that beef jerky will cause me to become a water obsessed, ugly monster... I eat it anyway. I mean really, it might actually be cool to be a monster. Who knows what monsters think about? Maybe they like it...
Nah, who am I kidding, unless your the rich evil villain like Lex Luther, you probably don't enjoy being a monster. This really is a vicious circle isn't it? Is there no way for me to win besides eating soggy jerky?! Is there no end to the horror!
So there you go folks... Eat jerky at your own discretion!
                                                             -KC-